SKATE NEWS

If you want to know what it's like to collect a paycheck in exchange for having the time of your life everyday of the week, watch Element's newest online offer, Bam's Or Bust! The short but sweet video chronicles the recent stay of Element riders Darrell Stanton, Collin Provost, Mike V., Brent Atchley and Chad Tim Tim at Bam Margera's Pennsylvania compound, otherwise known as "Bamland." As expected, Jackass-style chaos ensues. Naked slip 'n' sliding, consenual black eyes, 120 MPH Lamborghini speeding, fireworks and penis-dressed four-wheeler jumping, all go down between dead serious skating at Bam's private barnyard street park and outdoor mega-ramp. Try to watch this thing on your lunch break. It's the perfect mix of piss-your-pants absurdity and solid-as-f*&k skateboarding. Actually, don't watch this at work. It will undoubtedbly bum you out as you sit at your cubicle for a mediocre paycheck as Bam and his homies make 50 times what you do for laughing and skating all day long. Sorry for that little dribble of reality people. It's only the truth. And I'll be damned if the truth didn't hurt like a sonofabitch. -Jay Riggio

Skate Coach

Yeah, Woodward's cool and all, but when was the last time you looked into some legitimate camp competition? Ok, Visalia? Yeah, Visalia's pretty cool too. But, if you truly want to roll with the big dogs, you need to straighten out that back and quit pissing like a g'damned pup. Underground skate legend, Eric Nevada, has a brand new approach to the concept of Skate Camp, and from the looks at this nationally broadcast TV spot, his unique program is off the hook! I can't wait to take a go on that Tony Hawk simulator. Big ups, Mr. Nevada...big ups to you. -Jay Riggio

G v R 2008

Regular better get off its ass and do something about this crisis. This guy's freaking out about how Melissa is eating her babies! There are particle accelerators creating massive black holes in Switzerland. There's a whole lot of horrible stuff that's been happening in Africa for years and years that few people have noticed. Oh, and Americans are going to have to pay the stock market our money. We're gonna have to get second jobs. I mean, what is this world coming to?

Meanwhile, Goofy isn't helping either. They keep whining about how David Lee Roth hasn't returned to stardom, despite some of the best quotes in history. All they do is talk in circles about how Goofy is better than Regular. We need some change, like seven billion dollars worth of it, or we're gonna be in big trouble. The system is broken.

Lucky for us, the Etnies Goofy vs. Regular competition is taking place October 2nd thru 5th. Hopefully it will shine some light on the most pressing issues of our century. Then, when it's all over, we can go back to normal and not care about anything for the rest of the year. That's what we're supposed to do, right, not care about anything?—Josh Brooks

Beautiful Antihero

"Let's let bygones be bygones and play some Scrabble."

It was a chance meeting with those strays of the Antihero teaM.Friends of friends traveling with them set up the unlikely situation where our crew from Colorado, the Boulderd**ks, shared the single fire pit between neighboring campsites.

Looking back, it was one decisive move, the opening of the Scrabble boardgame that must have made us such p*ssies. Perhaps it was the confusing grid of stratified squares, the seemingly unfair point system or, more likely, the general nerdiness of the game that made Shorty hate us so badly. I think we geeked his scene; that's the only explanation I can think of.

But, with the release of the unlikely Antihero and Girl tour video, Beauty and the Beast, I don't have to dwell anymore. I can live vicariously through the Girl and Antihero team on their trip through the Northwest.

It's cathartic to see two different groups of skaters get along so well. It helps me look back on that roadtrip from a different perspective. I imagine Shorty sitting down to play a game of Scrabble with us, only to realize the joy of incorporating a 10 point J into a double word score. "Boo yah!" Shorty yells as we highfive and everyone takes a swig off of a handle of whiskey.